Favorite and/or Unusual PA Announcements


My long-in-the-works feature examining PA Announcements on M*A*S*H (a working title) is finally near completion. Actually, I haven’t started writing it but I do have most of the information so it’s really just a matter of piecing it together. Coincidentally, only a few days ago Ken Levine answered a question about the announcements at his blog:

First, whats the deal with the unseen announcer on MASH? Why wasn’t it a regular character (like Radar or Klinger)? They even had those characters doing announcements from time to time.

The concept was taken from the movie. I think it just added to the strangeness of the place. I liked it actually.

My plan for the feature is to briefly discuss the way the announcements were used in the movie MASH and the TV series, write a little about the three men who provided the bulk of the announcements, and list some of the more interesting and amusing announcements heard over the course of the series. Because there are so many episodes and so many announcements, I thought I’d ask readers of the blog to suggest some of their favorite or unusual announcements.

More specifically, I’m looking for examples of announcements made by any of the main characters, announcements made by any else other than the unseen voices, announcements that resulted in a reaction from any of the characters, scenes involving the making of an an announcement, and any announcements that were particularly hilarious.

So, if you’ve got a favorite announcement or just watched an episode that included an interesting announcement, please hit the comments.

10 Replies to “Favorite and/or Unusual PA Announcements”

  1. Great, GREAT idea! I will have to put on my thinking cap for this. The announcements are one of the many unique features of the series, they were (IMHO) one of the funnier parts of the original motion picture, so I really liked that they were carried over to the series.

    In addition to the PA announcements, I have affinity for the verbal ones that were given in various episodes (sailboat races at the cesspool ruined by an undertow after breakfast, for instance).

    I look forward to seeing what the avid M*A*S*H experts here come up with.

  2. Some of my favorites:

    Divided We Stand: Attention all personnel. Colonel Blake at sixteen..uh..seventeen hundred hours will deliver his weekly lecture. Tonight’s subject will be togetherness. The togetherness lecture will be followed by a talk on the perils of trenchmouth.

    Radar’s Report: Attention. Major Houlihan, your chest x-rays are ready and they really came out beautiful

    For Want of a Boot: Attention. Captain Alvin Mercer leaves for a honeymoon in Tokyo at oh-nine hundred hours. Any nurse wishing to be the bride please contact the captain. No experience necessary.

    Private Charles Lamb: Attention, all personnel. Please contact Colonel Blake if anyone knows the whereabouts of tonight’s entree. In the meantime be on the lookout for a white Caucasian lamb. It is reported to be unarmed and considered to be delicious. That is all.

    Bombed: Testing, tes…1,2,3. Testing, 1, 2. Radar here, uh..there’s nobody on the radio now except ‘Seoul City’ Sue so I figured I’d keep you entertained by reading you a letter from my mom. Here it goes. Dear Son, I got your lovely letter. You certainly asked a lot of questions. About the car, you may. About Jennifer next door, yes. About Eleanor Simon, she did once or twice but not too much. About your uncle Albert, uh no on drinking, yes on AA. About the dog Leon, three times in the bedroom, once under the washer, and twice on the cat. Testing, testing. About the cat, we don’t have one anymore. About your cousin Ernie, he’s in the…(explosion) Oh! Oh! Here we go again! Watch out!

    I also should mention the whole spitting on the microphone before an announcement dialog between Radar and Klinger in ‘Lt. Radar O’Reilly.’

  3. From the episode “Crisis”

    “All personnel must begin sleeping together tonight. Check the bulletin board to determine the sex of your tent.”

    From “Deal me out”

    “Will Drs. Pierce and McIntyre kindly return to the conference (poker game), they need your money”

  4. “The following people have signed up for the weekly 10 mile hike…. (dead silence for a second)… that will be all.”

  5. *We interrupt your sweet dreams for the following nightmare*
    *Grab a knife, save a life*
    *Drop the flask, put on a mask*

  6. Sorry, camp. Attention! By command of the new commanding officer, all officers report to the commanding officer’s office, sirs.

  7. Jokus interruptus…Hawkeye can’t tell a joke for one day…so he saves them up and announces them all at midnight.

    The rooster crowed at midnight mystery novel…last page with whodunit missing….they think they got it all figured out….until later when Potter gets on the P.A. to say whoever couldn’t have done it as he was locked in the linen closet at the time. (Not a direct quite nor correct episode titles.)

    Another one would be Hawkeye and crew pretending to be a baseball game for Frank whose betting and past posting. Although not sure it was the P.A. system.

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