For many years, Chris and his wife have laughed about a quote they’re certain is from the final episode of M*A*S*H. The only problem? They can’t find it in the episode.
Here it is:
B.J.: “Maybe we’ll run into each other at a medical convention.”
Hawkeye: “Can you imagine us at a medical convention?”
It sounds incredibly familiar to me but I can’t figure out which episode (if any) it’s from. If it’s not from “Goodbye, Farewell and Amen,” I thought maybe it was an exchange between Trapper and Hawkeye in “Check-Up” but I couldn’t find it in that episode, either.
Does anyone recognize this quote? Is it, or something similiar, from an episode of M*A*S*H?
It is most definitely from Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen. It’s when Hawkeye is trying to get BJ to say goodbye. It’s a “surgical” convention specifically that they talk about.
BJ: Want a sandwich?
Hawkeye: What’s in it?
BJ: Let’s see.
BJ: Cucumbers, watercress, a little French mayonnaise.
Hawkeye: Is the crust cut off?
BJ: No.
Hawkeye: Forget it.
BJ: I tell you, one thing I’m not gonna miss is bologna.
BJ: Or standing in line to take a cold shower.
BJ: I’m not gonna miss that either.
BJ: How about you? What are you not gonna miss?
Hawkeye: Lice, dysentery, rats.
Hawkeye: There’s nothing here I’m gonna miss except you.
BJ: Yeah, well, we’ll get to see each other.
Hawkeye: How? You’ll be on one coast and I’ll be on the other.
BJ: Letters, phone calls.
BJ: Maybe a surgical convention.
Hawkeye: Can you picture either one of us at a convention?
BJ: No, I guess not.
Hawkeye: We’ll never see each other again.
BJ: Look, one year Erin and Peg and I’ll come east.
Hawkeye: One year.
BJ: Yeah, and, um And we’ll get together and, um
Hawkeye: Have dinner.
BJ: Yeah.
Hawkeye: In other words, good-bye.
BJ: It’s not good-bye.
Hawkeye: It is good-bye.
Hawkeye: What’s the big deal?
Hawkeye: Just say good-bye.
BJ: What do you want me to say it for?
Hawkeye: Because it shows you know I’m going.
Hawkeye: What would you do if I was dying?
Hawkeye: Hold me and let me die in your arms or just let me lay there and bleed?
BJ: What are you talking about? You’re not dying.
BJ: You don’t even have a cold.
Hawkeye: Come on, just a little “so long”.
BJ: I’m gonna get back to the O.R.
Hawkeye: Good-bye.
BJ: See you later.
Thanks! That’s why I couldn’t find it when I searched the closed captions, it wasn’t “medical” convention but “surgical” convention. I swear I also tried searching “convention” and didn’t find anything…
I wish I could say I liked this particular dialogue but I don’t. I get that Hawkeye became attached to BJ, who he relied on to help him get through the war after Trapper went home. And, without a doubt, BJ needed Hawkeye, too.
But I think Hawkeye laid it a little thick. Earlier, when the late-Dr.Pierce got on Digger’s bus, he didn’t think twice about leaving BJ … and who knows, other than the wounded coming in, could he have left BJ behind? What about when Hawkeye was recovering from his breakdown, and expected to go home … he wouldn’t likely have the chance to say good-bye. I
Getting away from the war, back to home and Dad was always foremost in Hawkeye’s mind, all series long. I think it was overplayed in the finale’.
Thanks so much for answering my question about the convention. At least I didn’t dream it up! Love the website!