Proposing New Feature or Mish M*A*S*H

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Big Daddy O'Reilly
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Proposing New Feature or Mish M*A*S*H

Post by Big Daddy O'Reilly » Tue Jul 07, 2015 1:18 pm

I thought this would make for an interesting and fun/insightful page for MASH4077TV.com: an account of all of the different schemes Klinger pulled to try to get his coveted Section 8. I don't mean just his running around in dresses (which in and of itself could make for a really good foreward for the page), but his other schemes, such as dressing up as Gypsy King Zolton, or his invisible camel Habibi, or the different schemes he seemed to have every week during Season Seven.

It would also be worthy to note the times he actually came close to getting his Section 8, and also noting whether or not he ever repeated himself (which he actually did by pulling a scheme on Potter that he had tried on Henry mainly as a throw-away joke).

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RJ
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Re: Proposing New Feature or Mish M*A*S*H

Post by RJ » Thu Aug 27, 2015 9:46 am

Way back in the day I had a page listing some of Klinger's stunts. I dug up a copy of the old website from 2007 and found the list:
  • Tried to eat a jeep piece by piece.
  • Tried to freeze himself by sitting atop a pole.
  • Dressed up as the Statue of Liberty when General MacArthur drove in.
  • Dressed up as Scarlett from Gone with the Wind (Major Ego)
  • Dressed up as Moses with the Ten Commandments (Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler?)
  • Introduced himself to Col. Potter as "crazy" (Change of Command)
  • Tried to eat his way out, calling it "food for freedom" (The M*A*S*H Olympics)
  • Tried Voodoo and thought he ended up causing a case of appendicitis (Preventive Medicine)
  • Dressed as a nun
  • Tried to escape from Korea using a rubber raft
  • Pretended he was in Toledo until Col. Potter was going to give him his Section 8. Then he blew it by saying he was a Corporal (The Young and Restless)
  • During the same heat wave in which Hawkeye got a bathtub, wore a rubber suit and a fur coat. But in the end, the heat got to him and he made a mad dash for the bath tub, which was occupied.
  • Soaring away on a hang-glider, looking like "a big red bird with fuzzy pink feet" (The Trial of Henry Blake)
  • Loving the army, and then becoming the Queen of the Nile (April Fools)
  • Becoming "Zoltan, king of the gypsies" (Hawkeye Get Your Gun)
  • Hearing loss. (He really lost his hearing because of a land mine) Sadly his hearing came back. If it hadn't it would have been his ticket home. (Baby, It's Cold Outside)
  • Dressed up as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz (April Fools)
  • Being brave (Rainbow Bridge)
  • Passing himself off as being pregnant.
  • Tried to get a hardship discharge for, at different times, members of his family dying, or pregnant.
  • Riding Sophie through the camp, naked, after he thought he had reenlisted. (Your Retention Please)
  • Tried to convince Col. Blake that he was a Communist. (Mail Call)
  • Pretended to want to light himself on fire, but when someone put gasoline in his "gasoline" things got a little out of hand.
  • Tried to convince Colonel Potter he was the yellow-scarfed Toledo strangler of female motorcycle cops?
  • Wanted to be sent home for a "lengthy jury trial."
  • Pretended to have scoliosis by touching up the x-ray, but doesn't let it dry yet. In the same episode, he states he has an outrageously high blood pressure of 240/360, or something of the like. (Check-Up)
  • Pretended to have fainting spells (The Winchester Tapes)
  • Forged discharge papers using Col. Potter's name: "By the way, you put too much swoosh on the T."
  • Tries to sleep in the crowded nurses tent but when everyone says good night, he tosses it in last, and Major Houlihan recognizes his voice and then kicks him out (Crisis)
  • After being "shot" by a new guard, he is convinced he is not hurt enough so he is found standing outside the post-op in just his shorts by Margaret in freezing cold weather, ordered inside then threatens to "kill" who ever cures him, fearing it would prevent his discharge (It Happened One Night)
  • Dressing as a "business girl".
  • Dressing as an old Korean woman, bent over to try and hide his face.
  • From the episode where people trade objects/favors all around to get what they want. Klinger will give Radar a hair dryer so Radar can have a date with a nurse if Pierce and McIntyre get Frank to be the last signature on his discharge papers. The plot is really complicated but Frank doesn't get what he wants so he refuses to sign the papers.
  • Tried to get into West Point, but he can't pass the entrance exam.
  • Tried bribery (The Price)
  • Tried sneaking out of camp camouflaged as a tree or shrug (Dear Peggy)
  • Went on guard duty naked while General Barker was visiting (Chief Surgeon Who?)
  • Dressed as a little girl with mary jane shoes and even stole radars teddy bear to complete his outfit (War of Nerves)
  • Pretended he had a camel named Habibi (Last Laugh)
  • Pretended he was depressed, but then he got excited when Potter went to give him the Section Eight so he lost it (The Colonel's Horse)
  • Several time throughout the series he wrote letters to different generals including snap shots of himself and threats that he would write to their wives claiming he was their mistress or something like that. I think he even sent MacArthur a photo once and MacArthur sent a photo back of himself smoking his pipe.
It would be interesting to go through every episode and make a comprehensive, chronological list of all of Klinger's stunts. I am sure someone has done it somewhere. Klinger's "ploys" are included in TV's M*A*S*H: The Ultimate Guide Book, but I do not believe there is a separate list.

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Re: Proposing New Feature or Mish M*A*S*H

Post by Big Daddy O'Reilly » Thu Aug 27, 2015 2:26 pm

Wow! To actually see all of Klinger's schemes and exploits listed like that, it makes you realize just how extensive his schinanigans really were!

I think I'd still like to try my hand at writing such a comprehensive list of his schemes - as I said, I know there's at least one that he tried on both Henry and Potter, but both were very different scenarios with very different outcomes. It'd probably take me a while, but I think it would be fun.

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