Here’s the summary for the fourth and final M*A*S*H “spec” script, courtesy of Eric. For more information about unfilmed/unproduced scripts for the series see this post.

Peace is Hell
November 1, 1981
First Draft
Daryl G. Nickens – WGAw
31 Pages

The episode opens with everyone listening to a baseball game over the P.A. and Potter and Klinger are listening in Potter’s office. Klinger is dishing on the latest rumor the war could be over by the All Star Break. Despite the fact there is a ceasefire, Potter is skeptical.

In the O.R., the nurses refuse to clean because of the ceasefire, but Margaret is not letting them get off easy.

Back in Potter’s office, Mulcahey discusses the fact that the 4077th needs something to do and he suggests a softball game. Potter thinks it is a great idea!

In the Swamp, Klinger is trying to persuade Charles to play the game, but he, naturally, thinks it is beneath him to “chase a small white ball around a hot dusty field.” Klinger persuades Charles to play by insinuating that Charles is embarrassed by his lack of skills with the game. Charles signs up.

Klinger goes after Hawkeye who is discussing his plans with a nurse, but strikes out. He follows the nurse back to the O.R. where she should be working. Klinger follows, desperate to find people for the softball game. Margaret is angered by Hawkeye’s presence and kicks him out.

Hawkeye goes to Potter, who is behind the main building practicing his pitch, to complain. Hawkeye complains about Margaret, but Potter does not see a problem with her making the nurses prepare the O.R. for casualties, despite the ceasefire. Potter assures Hawkeye he will handle the situation if it gets out of hand

Potter goes to the O.R. to find Margaret, in dress uniform, inspecting the nurses, who are also in Class As. Potter tells Margaret she is getting out of hand!! She is stubborn, but Potter dismisses the nurses and suggests they have a little R & R. He turns to Margaret and suggests she take some time off too and suggests they all play ball.

Margaret shouts “Play Ball” and the game begins. She is umpire with Potter pitching. Mulcahey pitches for the opposing team. Game plays out and when Charles comes to bat, Klinger (catcher) gives him a hard time. To Klinger’s surprise, he hits a home run!! Klinger bats later and hits a long one, but is beat to the plate. He argues with Margaret, but to no avail. Margaret calls BJ on strike three and he too argues and Potter breaks them up. Potter winds up to deliver the next pitch, but is hurt and unable to throw the ball. Margaret assists Potter and his sore shoulder off the field, but Klinger points out that she has to ump and she tells him to do it.

On the sideline Margaret explains to Potter why she has been such a bad mood. She does not want the war to end because she does not know what she will do. The Army is her life, but with the war coming to an end she is afraid of being alone. Potter confesses that there are times when he is home with Mildred that he constantly thinks of those he has served with and “for an old war-horse peace is hell.”

Once more, a big thank you to Eric for this summary.

Here’s the summary for the third of four M*A*S*H “spec” scripts, courtesy of Eric. For more information about unfilmed/unproduced scripts for the series see this post.

Toast to Mildred
March 1, 1981
First Draft
John Charles
25 Pages

The episode begins in the Mess Tent at breakfast with Klinger serving. They all comment on the perfume Klinger purchased by mail order. It stinks! Klinger hands Hawkeye a package from home. It is a book written by his uncle, “101 Ways to Prepare Maine Lobster.” Hawkeye is instantly lost in his book which also catches the attention of Charles and BJ and they follow him to the O.R.

In the O.R., food continues to be the topic. Charles suggests that it may be possible to get the ingredients needed to make some of the dishes in the new book. While Charles and Hawkeye talk food, BJ suggest to Klinger that he should team up with a local alchemist and create a perfume line. Meanwhile, Potter and Margaret are exchanging glances which Hawkeye comments on. Potter quickly shuts Hawkeye up.

After the session, Potter asks Margaret to join him for lunch. BJ asks if he can tag along and he is shot down.

Outside the O.R., Klinger is selling his new perfume and Hawkeye has figured out how to make the recipes from his book using Knockwurst in place of lobster. BJ, not listening to Hawkeye, sees Margaret and Potter walking across the compound arm-in-arm.

Later in the Mess Tent, Hawkeye is serving his own dish, Knockwurst in the shape of lobster. Charles is impressed with Hawkeye’s creation, but BJ is not. He is watching Margaret and Potter talking and laughing at a table, alone.

Outside the Supply Tent, the alchemist and Klinger are selling their new perfume line. BJ and Hawkeye are disgusted by the scents. Hawkeye goes on talking about steamed clams and BJ asks him if he has noticed anything different between Potter and Margaret. Hawkeye admits he has, but goes back to his issues with clams. BJ is angry.

Potter knocks at Margaret’s tent and asks if she would like some coffee. He enters her tent, clearly nervous, and they have a drink. Potter talks to Margaret about the difficulties of living in the Army and how he knows it has been difficult for her. She begins to cry and they exit the tent for the Mess Tent. Outside Margaret’s tent, Klinger is chasing BJ and Hawkeye with another bottle of perfume. They confront Potter and Margaret and Potter senses what they are thinking and he orders them to his office.

In Potter’s office, Potter is angry and BJ expresses his concern about the relationship between Potter and Margaret. He quickly sets them strait by telling them he is happily married and explains there are different types of love and he does love Margaret. Potter quickly changes the subject and offers them a drink. They take the drink and toast the picture of Mildred on Potter’s desk. As they are having their drink, there is an explosion in the compound. Klinger’s chemistry set in the Supply Tent has exploded. Amid the chaos, Hawkeye finds just what his recipes have been missing.

The closing scene takes place in the evening in the Mess Tent with everyone sitting around a table waiting for the finished dish. It is delivered and everyone is anxious to eat whatever smells so good. It turns out to be lobster stew made in a special way by Charles and Hawkeye. Hawkeye then proposes a toast.

As always, a big thank you to Eric for this summary.

Here’s the summary for the second of four M*A*S*H “spec” scripts, courtesy of Eric. For more information about unfilmed/unproduced scripts for the series see this post.

The Contract (V-540)
July 19, 1978
Third Draft
Mac Ness
32 Pages

The show starts in Potter’s office with BJ, Hawkeye, and Potter sharing a drink. They are awaiting the return of Charles and Klinger from the 8055th. Radar enters the office and indicates the two had to stop to refuel.

Meanwhile, Charles is waiting for Klinger to refuel the jeep and notices a rare spice growing in the field and tries to pick it. Klinger notices the plant is bobby trapped an stops Charles from picking it. Klinger tackles Charles just as the grenade attaches to the copper wire explodes. Charles realizes that Klinger has saved his life and vows to repay him. Klinger says there is only one thing he wants…..his signature.

Back in the Swamp, BJ and Hawkeye are playing chess when Charles returns from his mission. Charles is in a foul mood when the camp is flooded with casualties. Charles is upset due to conditions of surgery and the fact they gave all their four-oh silk to the 8055th.

The next day, Charles is in the Swamp with BJ and Hawkeye and apologizes for his behavior from the night before. He asks for a drink, then explains what happened to him and Klinger the day before. Klinger then enters the Swamp wearing a dress uniform and ask for Charles’s signature. Charles signs without hesitation. Hawkeye and BJ ask what he is signing and he explains they are discharge papers. BJ comments that it takes three doctors signatures and Klinger reminds BJ that he and Hawkeye signed the papers as part of a poker winnings pot.

In Klinger’s excitement he goes to Post-Op and visits a patient from Toledo. Klinger is recounting his favorite memories from Toledo, but the patient is only crushing Klinger. All of his favorite hang-outs are gone and favorite neighborhoods have changed. Klinger is suddenly depressed.

Klinger reenters the Swamp where BJ and Hawkeye are concerned about what they have done for Klinger. Charles is drunk. Klinger explains that he is divorced and his parents will disown him for wearing a dress. He realizes a Section 8 will not make his life better, but worse.

The episode closes with Hawkeye, BJ, Potter, and a hung-over Charles headed for the Mess Tent. They are stopped by Klinger who is wearing a tu-tu. Potter tells him it is not going to work; he will never get out by wearing dresses. Klinger just smiles!

Again, a big thank you to Eric for this summary.

In my post the other day about unfilmed/unproduced M*A*S*H scripts, I referred to four scripts in particular that are occasionally offered for sale on eBay and have been for years. These were “spec” scripts, written by aspiring scriptwriters as proof they could handle writing for an existing show, and were never intended to be produced. M*A*S*H fan and script collector Eric offered to summarize these four scripts and I jumped at the chance. I assumed he would provide a brief paragraph of the four scripts but instead he went above and beyond and wrote lengthy summaries, which I will be posting over the next four days. Here’s the first summary:

Father Hawkeye Knows Best
March 3, 1972
Second Draft
Len Kaplan & Frank Ridgeway
27 Pages

The episode opens in Henry’s office with Hawkeye, Trapper, and Henry looking a photograph of one of Henry’s patients. They are bored until Radar announced they will be visited by Congressman James L. Thomas of Indiana. He will be accompanied by his aide……Louise Burns!!! They agree to warn Frank until he enters the office accusing Klinger of striking him and places him under arrest. They decide to leave Frank in the dark and decide, later in the O.R., they will blackmail Frank for Klinger’s release.

The following morning the Congressman and Louise arrive by chopper. Louise is confused as to why Frank did not meet her at the chopper pad and demands to be taken to his tent. Frank, however, is visiting Margaret in her tent. Radar takes Louise to Margaret’s tent and, despite being dark, Louise knows Frank is not alone.

Frank returns to the Swamp where he finds out Hawkeye and Trapper knew of Louise’s arrival. Trapper goes to visit Louise and tells her that Frank is Margaret’s father figure and was only giving her advice to for her upcoming wedding. Trapper explains the wedding is about to start and she is invited to attend.

The wedding takes place in the Mess Tent with Reverend Hawkeye in charge. Henry is Best Man while Klinger is Maid of Honor. Margaret is dressed in her white wedding gown and the groom is….Radar!!! The ceremony is a huge joke (of course) and Margaret plants a big kiss on Radar.

Louise leaves happy knowing that Frank is faithful and they say their goodbyes at the chopper pad. Margaret arrives after her honeymoon with Radar! In the chopper, Louise and the Congressman are discussing their week together in Hawaii!!!

The episode closes with Hawkeye and Trapper “gathering evidence” for Margaret and Radar’s divorce. Frank admits that Hawkeye and Trapper saved him and they have a party.

A big thank you to Eric for this summary.

For years someone (or multiple someones) has been selling four scripts said to be unfilmed episodes of M*A*S*H, with the following titles, writers, drafts and dates:

1. “Father Hawkeye Knows Best” – Len Kaplan & Frank Ridgeway – 2nd Draft (March 3rd, 1972)
2. “Peace is Hell” – Daryl G. Nickens – 1st Draft (November 1st, 1981)
3. “The Contract” – Mac Ness – 3rd Draft (July 19th, 1978)
4. “Toast to Mildred” – John Charles – 1st Draft (March 1st, 1981)

I haven’t read any of these scripts, so I can’t speak to their quality. A quick search of the Internet Movie Database reveals that Daryl G. Nickens began writing for television in the mid-to-late 1980s for shows like Benson, Webster and A Different World, while Frank Ridgeway is credited as a writer for The Mumbly Cartoon Show and The New Tom & Jerry Show in the mid-1970s as well as later programs. So at the very least these two are real people. I couldn’t find IMDb entries for Len Kaplan, Mac Ness or John Charles but it stands to reason they’re real people as well.

None of the authors of these “unfilmed” scripts are credited with writing an episode of M*A*S*H. So are these actual scripts that could have been filmed but weren’t? It’s possible that instead they’re “spec” scripts, written by aspiring scriptwriters to prove they can successfully write for an existing show, capturing the tone and feel of the characters. In other words, they were never intended to be filmed. Note that the script Daryl G. Nickens is said to have written, “Peace is Hell,” is dated November 1st, 1981. According to his Internet Movie Database entry, his first writing credit is for a 1983 episode of Benson. So “Peace is Hell” could have been a spec script he wrote while he was trying to get a scriptwriting job.

I can’t say with any certainty what these four so-called “unfilmed” scripts are. It’s possible they’re complete fakes. If anyone has purchased an “unfilmed” M*A*S*H script please let me know.

There were scripts written for M*A*S*H, paid for, and then never produced. In an April 2001 post to the alt.tv.mash newsgroup, Larry Gelbart explained that during the first four seasons — his tenure on M*A*S*H — eight scripts were “paid for but never filmed, considered too poor” (read his post here). Quality is one reason a commissioned script may not be filmed. The potential cost of filming a script is another. So is controversy.

One unproduced script, “Hawkeye on the Double,” can be found on the second disc of bonus features released as part of the Martinis and Medicine Collection in 2006 (as well as the standalone Goodbye, Farewell & Amen/bonus discs set released in 2007). Written by Stanley Ralph Ross, the script is a revised final draft dated November 3rd, 1972, meaning it was written for the first season. In Suzy Kalter’s The Complete Book of M*A*S*H, Gene Reynolds states that this was the only script rejected by CBS because it “implied dalliance and we couldn’t do that” [1]. Personally, while the script was amusing, it made Hawkeye appear incredibly cruel, so perhaps its for the best that it was never filmed.

“Hawkeye on the Double” and a number of other unproduced scripts are part of the Gene Reynolds Collection of Television Scripts and Production Material, part of the Performing Arts Special Collections at the Charles E. Young Research Library at the University of California, Los Angeles. Here are all titles for all the unproduced scripts that I found:

“War’s a Grind”
Ronald Rubin & Michael Zagor
Dated February 17th, 1972

“The Fighting 4077th” (Prod. J-341)
Richard M. Powell
Dated August 11th, 1972

“Hawkeye on the Double” (Prod. J-352)
Stanley Ralph Ross
Dated November 3rd, 1972

“Yankees 7 – North Korea 8″
Gary John Markowitz
Dated November 30th, 1973

“Hawkeye, Go Home”
Richard Powell
Dated April 20th, 1974

“A Matter of Time”
Allan Katz & Don Reo
Dated March 26th & April 3rd, 1974

“The Tub”
Elias Davis & David Pollack
Dated March 22nd, 1974

“The Key” (aka “Hawkeye for the Defense”)
Phil Hahn & Jim Mulligan
Dated May 24th, 1974

“Dear Everyone”
Tony Sheehan
Dated July 24th, 1974

“Up the Flagpole”
Rheinhold Weege
Dated April 14th, 1976

Notice that both “Hawkeye on the Double” and “The Fighting 4077th” have been given production codes like those used during the first season of M*A*S*H. That could mean they came close to being filmed, although the production codes in question (J-341 and J-352) would mean these would have been the 41st and 52nd episodes of the first season, respectively. The Larry Gelbart Papers, also held at the Performing Arts Special Collections at the Charles E. Young Research Library at the University of California, Los Angeles, includes final draft copy of “The Fighting 4077th”, dated May 26th, 1972, as well as revisions dated June 13th, August 11th and August 14th. All those revisions also suggest that the episode was being prepared for filming before getting tossed out.

It’s possible that some of these unproduced scripts were later retitled and filmed but there’s no way of knowing for sure without reading the scripts themselves. With the exception of the final unproduced script, all of the scripts are from the first four seasons of M*A*S*H and there are nine of them. Larry Gelbart said there were eight, so he was pretty darn close. None of the four “unfilmed” scripts sold on eBay are mentioned in either the Gene Reynolds Collection or the Larry Gelbart Papers, further suggesting that they were never going to be produced.

Are there other unproduced scripts out there? Probably not from the first four seasons but perhaps from later seasons not well represented in the Gene Reynolds Collection. UCLA also has a collection of M*A*S*H scripts from 1972-1982 that were donated by producer Burt Metcalfe in 1985, but no online finding aid is available. I’d love to be able to read some of these unproduced scripts but California is really far away.

Works Cited: