Pilot Script: The People

Here’s a list of characters included in Larry Gelbart’s script for the pilot episode of M*A*S*H:

THE PEOPLE

CAPT. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN PIERCE
(“HAWKEYE”)
New Englander; 28, stoop-shouldered, spectacled, usually in need of a haircut.
 
CAPT. JOHN F.X. McINTYRE
(“TRAPPER JOHN”)
Mid-or-Southwesterner, 28. A bit neater than Hawkeye, but not much. Chief interest: medicine, golf, very dry martinis and women — not necessarily in that order.
 
HO-JON 17-year-old Korean houseboy for “The Swamp”; speaks relatively fluent English.
 
LT. COL. HENRY BLAKE Commanding Officer, 4077th MASH. 48, overweight, underhaired; apt to stutter in times of stress. A man who doesn’t like the boat rocked.
 
CAPT. LESLIE SCORCH U.S. ARMY NURSE, 33; she has assisted Henry so long they have a smooth, almost husband/wife relationship.
 
FATHER JOHN PATRICK MULCAHEY
(“DAGO RED”)
Young, lean, hungry-looking, hooked nosed, red-haired. Regular Army, regular guy.
 
MAJOR MARGARET HOULIHAN
(“HOT LIPS”)
Chief Nurse; 35, very well-built, a lot of passion beneath her outward appearance of being only interested in going by the book.
 
MAJOR FRANK BURNS 35, mid-Westerner; officious, short-tempered hypocrite.
 
CAPT. OLIVER WENDELL JONES
(“SPEARCHUCKER”)
28, neurosurgeon; former college football star.
 
CORPORAL “RADAR” O’REILLY Young, short, long-necked; his ears leave his head at perfect right angles.
 
PRIVATE LORENZO BOONE 19, dim bedpan jockey in Post-Op Ward.
 
CAPT. BRIDGET McCARTHY
(“KNOCKO”)
30, attractive no-nonsense Army Nurse.
 
LT. DISH 24, without question the best-looking nurse in military history.
 
CAPT. “UGLY JOHN” BLACK Austrailian [sic], Chief Anesthesiologist, sports a huge RAF moustache.
 
BRIG. GEN. HAMILTON
HARRINGTON HAMMOND
Mid-50’s, career officer; puffy with self-importance, precious little humor.
 
LT. GINGER BAYLISS Army Nurse, 25, delicious.

In addition to the MASH personnel, there are a number of young Korean boys who serve either as Waiters in the Mess Hall or as Houseboys.

There are also some Korean women who help with the cooking and the endless laundry that is part of any hospital routine.

The one member of the camp seen most frequently is the CAMP MUTT, a scruffy little dog.

Perhaps most interesting, aside from the sheer number of characters, is the fact that Hawkeye was apparently originally supposed to wear glasses.

Source:

  • Gelbart, Larry. “Pilot.” Revised Final Draft. M*A*S*H. 8 Dec. 1971.

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