Unfilmed Script – “Peace Is Hell” (1981)

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Here’s the summary for the fourth and final M*A*S*H “spec” script, courtesy of Eric. For more information about unfilmed/unproduced scripts for the series see this post.

Peace is Hell
November 1, 1981
First Draft
Daryl G. Nickens – WGAw
31 Pages

The episode opens with everyone listening to a baseball game over the P.A. and Potter and Klinger are listening in Potter’s office. Klinger is dishing on the latest rumor the war could be over by the All Star Break. Despite the fact there is a ceasefire, Potter is skeptical.

In the O.R., the nurses refuse to clean because of the ceasefire, but Margaret is not letting them get off easy.

Back in Potter’s office, Mulcahey discusses the fact that the 4077th needs something to do and he suggests a softball game. Potter thinks it is a great idea!

In the Swamp, Klinger is trying to persuade Charles to play the game, but he, naturally, thinks it is beneath him to “chase a small white ball around a hot dusty field.” Klinger persuades Charles to play by insinuating that Charles is embarrassed by his lack of skills with the game. Charles signs up.

Klinger goes after Hawkeye who is discussing his plans with a nurse, but strikes out. He follows the nurse back to the O.R. where she should be working. Klinger follows, desperate to find people for the softball game. Margaret is angered by Hawkeye’s presence and kicks him out.

Hawkeye goes to Potter, who is behind the main building practicing his pitch, to complain. Hawkeye complains about Margaret, but Potter does not see a problem with her making the nurses prepare the O.R. for casualties, despite the ceasefire. Potter assures Hawkeye he will handle the situation if it gets out of hand

Potter goes to the O.R. to find Margaret, in dress uniform, inspecting the nurses, who are also in Class As. Potter tells Margaret she is getting out of hand!! She is stubborn, but Potter dismisses the nurses and suggests they have a little R & R. He turns to Margaret and suggests she take some time off too and suggests they all play ball.

Margaret shouts “Play Ball” and the game begins. She is umpire with Potter pitching. Mulcahey pitches for the opposing team. Game plays out and when Charles comes to bat, Klinger (catcher) gives him a hard time. To Klinger’s surprise, he hits a home run!! Klinger bats later and hits a long one, but is beat to the plate. He argues with Margaret, but to no avail. Margaret calls BJ on strike three and he too argues and Potter breaks them up. Potter winds up to deliver the next pitch, but is hurt and unable to throw the ball. Margaret assists Potter and his sore shoulder off the field, but Klinger points out that she has to ump and she tells him to do it.

On the sideline Margaret explains to Potter why she has been such a bad mood. She does not want the war to end because she does not know what she will do. The Army is her life, but with the war coming to an end she is afraid of being alone. Potter confesses that there are times when he is home with Mildred that he constantly thinks of those he has served with and “for an old war-horse peace is hell.”

Once more, a big thank you to Eric for this summary.

One Reply to “Unfilmed Script – “Peace Is Hell” (1981)”

  1. Wow, I can see why that episode was never made, it sounds really bad LOL. It seems to encompass all of the bad aspects of seasons 10 and 11, the histrionics (it’s the kind of episode where I can imagine every other line being yelled rather than spoken, one of the more annoying aspects of the latter half of the series) and sentimentality. I reckon they did this kind of theme better in “Sons And Bowlers”.

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