In my post the other day about unfilmed/unproduced M*A*S*H scripts, I referred to four scripts in particular that are occasionally offered for sale on eBay and have been for years. These were “spec” scripts, written by aspiring scriptwriters as proof they could handle writing for an existing show, and were never intended to be produced. M*A*S*H fan and script collector Eric offered to summarize these four scripts and I jumped at the chance. I assumed he would provide a brief paragraph of the four scripts but instead he went above and beyond and wrote lengthy summaries, which I will be posting over the next four days. Here’s the first summary:
Father Hawkeye Knows Best
March 3, 1972
Second Draft
Len Kaplan & Frank Ridgeway
27 PagesThe episode opens in Henry’s office with Hawkeye, Trapper, and Henry looking a photograph of one of Henry’s patients. They are bored until Radar announced they will be visited by Congressman James L. Thomas of Indiana. He will be accompanied by his aide……Louise Burns!!! They agree to warn Frank until he enters the office accusing Klinger of striking him and places him under arrest. They decide to leave Frank in the dark and decide, later in the O.R., they will blackmail Frank for Klinger’s release.
The following morning the Congressman and Louise arrive by chopper. Louise is confused as to why Frank did not meet her at the chopper pad and demands to be taken to his tent. Frank, however, is visiting Margaret in her tent. Radar takes Louise to Margaret’s tent and, despite being dark, Louise knows Frank is not alone.
Frank returns to the Swamp where he finds out Hawkeye and Trapper knew of Louise’s arrival. Trapper goes to visit Louise and tells her that Frank is Margaret’s father figure and was only giving her advice to for her upcoming wedding. Trapper explains the wedding is about to start and she is invited to attend.
The wedding takes place in the Mess Tent with Reverend Hawkeye in charge. Henry is Best Man while Klinger is Maid of Honor. Margaret is dressed in her white wedding gown and the groom is….Radar!!! The ceremony is a huge joke (of course) and Margaret plants a big kiss on Radar.
Louise leaves happy knowing that Frank is faithful and they say their goodbyes at the chopper pad. Margaret arrives after her honeymoon with Radar! In the chopper, Louise and the Congressman are discussing their week together in Hawaii!!!
The episode closes with Hawkeye and Trapper “gathering evidence” for Margaret and Radar’s divorce. Frank admits that Hawkeye and Trapper saved him and they have a party.
A big thank you to Eric for this summary.
Spec script. Never actually considered by M*A*S*H producers. Even by this description, a serious fan will recognize that it broke many conventions of the show.
That is why I decided to write summaries of the episodes. Some people may be interested in purchasing these scripts and this will give a good idea of what they are like.
I agree, this episode is very unlike the show, but keep reading, there are a few that I think may have worked.
We have to remember the earlier statement, that all spec scripts or any scripts were “re-written” by the Masters at MASH, and even if parts of the stories were used, the true spirit of the show would not have been disturbed. Some of the premises are pretty good, but Louise showing up is a pretty far stretch. Oh well, so was the gold plated jeep.
Of the 4 scripts, this one is the only one that I think would not have worked as an episode. Just too unbelievable and full of holes. The other 3 had viability.
Simply based on the summary Eric provided, that sounds like a really dumb episode- pretty easy to see why it was never made. Sure, some of the early first season episodes were a little bit silly, but this one goes beyond mere silliness into a pretty implausible story all around. There are ‘fan fiction’ M*A*S*H scripts that circulate that are much better than this one.